To participate in our lives does not mean that we control our lives.
Not to control our lives does not mean that we are passive.
The most healing thing we can do for ourselves is to participate in the process of our lives as fully as we can
- even when the unexpected and the fearful happen. ~unknown

December 30, 2009

So it begins...

December 11 - annual mammo screening. FINDINGS: Diagnostic Category 0 - Incomplete Assessment: Need additional imaging evaluation.

December 14 - diagnostic mammo. FINDINGS: Diagnostic Category 4 - Suspicious for malignancy. Recommendations: Stereotactic Breast Biopsy

December 18 - biopsy performed.

December 28 - Diagnosis - Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS) - very early stages of breast cancer.

December 29 - met with a surgeon and agreed on treatment plan. Bilateral Mastectomy with reconstruction.

December 31 - meet with the plastics doc.
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I've had breast cancer in my life for over 20 years. I've lived in fear of it for 20 years. You see, my mom has had breast cancer not once, but THREE times. Her most recent battle started this past August after a surgical biopsy confirmed invasive cancer. After 2 prior lumpectomies with radiation she had a single breast mastectomy in October. Why she didn't just do both is beyond me. I remember her asking what I would do - Mom, I'd chop 'em both off. Well, here I am, living with cancer, feeling very lost, betrayed by my body yet again, and wondering WHY!?!?! I suppose it's normal to ask a stupid question like 'why' since there is no one to answer.

I knew the micro-calcifications found in my breast were going to be malignant. How did I know? The way the last quarter of 2009 was going for me and my family it was inevitable, and my gut is rarely wrong.

I am ANGRY. I am TERRIFIED. I am CONFUSED. I am STRONG. I will SURVIVE. I will come out the other side healthy, cancer free, and with great new "Girls!" I will be able to go braless. I will have perfectly shaped perky Girls that I will dress up in cute, sexy, pretty bras - no more grandma bras to keep them from sagging any further. I had planned on a lift after reaching my weight loss goal but hey, a couple of years early and on the insurance dime...it's going to be a great 2010 holiday season.

It is my intention to post progress pictures, when I decide where I'll host them.
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