Yesterday the doc gave me the green light for a shower today. I was beside myself with excitement. I think I had a dream about it all. 11 days w/o a full body shower...EW. I'm looking forward to a HOT shower I can really enjoy.
On to the therapy part of this post. My shower SUCKED! Being fully exposed, naked, in the shower was almost too much. I couldn't touch anything, couldn't risk looking down for fear of catching a glimpse of ....
Physically and I'd say emotionally too, I feel butchered. I feel sick to think of what it is my husband has to look at, when I need him to. The thought makes me sick. The black cuts in what were once my breasts, the strips holding them closed, the wrinkled and sagging flesh below the cuts. Disgusting, nightmarish.
Guess today is the first day of the emotional path to healing. I'll start with quotes from a very close friend of mine:
"...but they are scars of love ... love for your children and your husband and represent something so great that the physical pales in comparison ... and remember - they will fade in time, but the sacrifice that you made for your family will be known forever..." Thanks D. Remind me of this post when I lose it really bad. *sniff sniff *
Ok - moving on. Got the final pathology report late last week and there's news. Left breast was, as determined by mammo, cancer free WOOHOO. The right, however, was worse than first diagnosed. Microinvasive carcinoma (>1mm) was found w/in the DCIS (DCIS-MI) and Paget's Disease of the Nipple.
It's all a lot of greek to me. I have questions like does this mean my cancer was Stage 1? How far into the nipple did the cancer go? Did it make it close to the surface? Was it extensive? My surgeon told me the mastectomy is as far as we need to go with treatment. The cancer was ER/PR- so no drugs necessary there. Have no idea about HER2 - surgeon says it's not needed. I will eventually see an onco to go over the path results. Dr. Surgeon says there is no more therapy/treatment necessary but wants me to hear it from a cancer doc too. Smart Man =)
In the hour it's taken me to get this blog entry typed (nap, phone calls, Oprah (ick), laundry) I received a call full of good news... BRCA 1/2 test is NEGATIVE which means I do NOT have mutant tumor genes. Great news for my daughter.
OH!! Here's a laugh - how could my husband even think of resisting this sexiness...
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