It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Feeling not so supported today. Yes, I know, I have more support than I ever thought possible and for that I am truly and eternally grateful.

Found out this morning my husband isn't interested in going with me to my last appoitment with my plastics doc. Maybe I'm not asking the right way - in fact, I think I got fairly beaten up about that while walking around the building with friends. He says his only question is "how long will it take?" and he's already got that answer so he doesn't need to go. He wanted to know so he's free to go eat. WHAT?!?!?! He's leaving the hospital while I'm getting fileted like a fish? Are you f'ing kidding me??? It's not like I'm going to know one way or the other but still. I'm scared, scared shitless in fact. What if I am that 1 in a Millon and he's not there...what happens then? My current track record with statics pretty much sucks.

I had 2 foot surgeries back in 2002. Easy, outpatient surgeries. First one was a piece of cake. Second one I woke from anstethia the same way I went under - in tears. The nurse came to check on me, asked me what I needed and told her I just wanted my husband. They tried for 30 minutes or so to reach him on his cell phone because he wasn't in the waiting room - my mom and sister had taken him to lunch. I felt so unimportant and an inconvenience.

Today I feel the same way. It's probably a pitty party I'm throwing myself but hey...It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.

----- edit ----- I want to make it very clear..I love my husband more than he even realizes. He is my rock. He keeps me grounded. I draw my strength and calm from him.