Came back to work yesterday. It was a welcome change, getting back to the ‘old’ routine. I was nervous about coming back, facing people who know what’s up, telling them the icky news. Happy New Year, I have breast cancer. I survived it. My lead was fantastic about it. He was so great he told our manager and our small team so I didn’t have to. My manager in turn told my director. Thank you so much for sparing me THAT particular task. Don’t get me wrong, he’s an awesome person and cares very much for his department. He was great when I told him about my mom’s BC last fall. He did get a minute to tell me if there was anything, anything at all he could do for me, to let him know. Then he gave me a hug. That was too much for me. I practically ran to my office and cried. I found my stomach got upset a bit when I would talk about it. The acid started to churn. Does the same today. Oh well.
Called our HR department. We have ZERO short term disability benefits here. We get what the state offers, 66 2/3% of my net. There is a little help from work by way of 24hrs vacation time per year of service and match of my current vacation hours banked. That’s right, vacation time, which I do have to use all up for the 2 weeks I don’t have coverage with the state. The HR woman was great. She happened to mention changes in the benefits is really close. Could kick in Feb 1. I had planned to call my surgeon and request Jan 22 (get in get it done and stop obsessing) but decided the possible improved financial picture was worth the wait. I have requested February 19th but have yet to get the confirmation call.
Last night I spent a wonderful 2 hours on the phone with a woman is the exact same position. We both have High Grade DCIS, we both have a young family, we’ve both decided on double mastectomy and reconstruction. Well, she had. She’s struggling with the same issues I am: scars and losing the nipples and areolas. Guys don’t understand this. She understood. She is a spunky, well researched woman. I have many friends who all say they would make the same decision if they were in my shoes. For that I tell my friends now – I LOVE YOU! Your support is priceless and soothing. J told me the same thing but somehow it was different hearing the same thing from her. She’s in my shoes and agrees I’ve chosen the right treatment for my case. I hope we can meet sometime. I told her if she hasn’t made her decision to come visit me, check out the handy work of my surgeons. Talking with her tho still gave me an acid stomach.
J – Today I am focused on controlling only what I can. Trying to at least. And I have no idea why we call Green green. Thank you, and your son, so much for that. It does help get past the ‘why.’
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